Confessions Of A Mafia Boss
by Joker of Clover
Summary: The Bad Touch Trio has launched a new scheme: follow around the countries, record they're every move and make a reality TV show out of it! And who better to be they're first victim then Romano?
1. Chapter 1

I look at his pathetic face, his blue eyes that watched my fratello's every move are wide open with fear looking at me, shaking his potato head slightly. That fearless, stoic look? Long gone. Heh, it is almost laughable how weak he looks on his knees, begging _me_ for _his _life! I cock the gun and place the barrel to his forehead that was cover in sweat. I could feel a grin slowly creep onto my face as I drank in the image of the potato bastard before pulling back the trigger slowly, enjoying this moment completely.

_BANG!_

His body folds as he falls back, blood everywhere. _His blood spilled everywhere_. I could almost dance at the sight. My sworn enemy dead, laying at me feet making a bloody mess. It was worth everything, all the chasing, all the times my famila almost got busted, everything! Lighting lit up his body once more before the cold rain starts pouring down washing away the blood into a nearby drain. I start laughing. Laughing out of pure fucking joy! That fucking bastard is finally dead! And I was the fucker to kill him!

A car's tires screech's behind me, the doors slam close and I turn, my grin expanded if it was even possible. Before me was the largest, ripest, juiciest, most beautiful tomato I ever seen. The scene change from the home of my enemy to a ballroom, a warm gold color the walls and a slow melody plays. The tomato slowly walks towards me- Fucking dammit this shit is getting to weird even for me! Where the hell is the damn off switch?! My fucked up mind transported dream me to a dark place where a red button label "OFF" sat innocently on a table.

"Arrivederci bitches!" I said slamming my fist on the button.

I slowly open my eyes with a yawn. "C'mon fratello-" I stop mid fucking sentence as I remember where my brother was. At the potato bastard fucking house. Chigi! Why the fuck does he even like that bastard!? Grumbling under my breath I rolled over to the side ready to start the fucking day when I came face to face with a glass lens.

"Keseseses~ Smile for ze camera~."

**Sorry for the short chapter! I'm probably going to make a bunch of stories like these starring various of countries. So I guess review, favorite and possible follow?**


	2. Chapter 2

"CHE CAZZO?!" What the hell was going on?! I stared at the camera what was way too fucking close. The lens capture my horrified face perfectly. My damn mind finally processed the fact Potato Bastard The 2nd friends were behind him. France, The Wine Bastard, held a microphone connected to stand. Spain, The Tomato Bastard, was a fucking light brighter than the damn sun. Directed at my GODDAMN EYES! Chigi! Was that bastard trying to make me go blind?! Blocking the light, I glared-fine fuckers I _squinted_- at Prussia.

"What are you doing?" I yelled at the three idiotic, melting under the light.

"We're making a show!" the damn Prussian said, his annoying ass laugh following. Che, it's too damn early for this shit!

"GET OUT!" So I can go back to sleep! I don't even trust the Wine Bastard! The three of them laughed like I made the most funniest joke in the goddamn world! I wonder how they'll be laughing when I sic the mafia on their assess!

"But Romano! We need someone interesting to film!" Spagna said finally turning off the damn light.

"Go film my damn fratello!" I said pulling the blanket over me and turning on my side. Those fucking bastards weren't going to stalk me all damn day! Veneziano would be happy to have those three bastards film him while he makes pasta and take siestas all damn day!

"He's not as interesting as you mi tomate! Please Roma~." the bastard kept insisting. Che! He even took on a whiny ass tone.

"Yeah! He'll just sit around and make pasta!"

"Or sleep!"

"It isn't worth making a show over!"

"Please Romano!"

Now all three of the damn bastardos were begging me?! They all were so annoying! I slammed the pillow over my head. Nope! That didn't drown out their voices.

"Think of all the people out there that want to know about what South Italy-the _better _of the two- does all day!" Prussia exclaimed loudly.

Better? Than my brother? People thought I was better than Venezciano?! N-no! That Potato Bastard was lying! People wouldn't give a flying fuck about what Italy does all day! But Japan did say his anime-Hetalia or some shit- did get a lot of fans... maybe some of them were my fans? I looked over my shoulder at the three. They were all doing fucking Bambi eyes!

"We'll pay you!" France blurted out. Then, Prussia smirked.

"In tomatos and money."

"DEAL!"

I-I mean, it can't be that bad, can it?

**Thanks to everyone that read this, and a special thanks to: Lumiera, TheDeadOne28, FantasyLover100, Katie-Kat1129, lolporn (totally love the username btw) fuzzyhoudini, turtgirl, nerdyfanchick.** **Sorry if anyone was OOC-I need to work on that. That is all for now.**

**Oh a side note! Tell me in a PM/Review which nation/group you want to be on the BTT's show next**


	3. Chapter 3

What the fuck did I just get my fucking ass into?! I thought leaning my head against the shower wall. The water was warm-not too fucking cold, and not too fucking hot-just the way I like it. After I agreed with the three bastards, they fucking _ran _out of my room like I did sic the mafia on their asses... expect they wouldn't be grinning. Or hot-fiving and laughing their asses off. Che, those bastards had better have the best damn tomatoes in the world! I WANT THEM BY THE FUCKING TRUCKLOAD! Fuckers... I sent my glare towards the rubber duckies curtains-I SWEAR IT WAS FRATELLO'S IDEA! ALL HIS! I DIDN'T EVEN DRIVE HIM!- that were so damn happy about the whole idea. They were always so happy! CHIGI! Every time I look at them I want to barf rainbows! That's why that bastard brought them! He wanted to puke happiness all over the fucking place! I bet that damn Potato bastard put the fucking idea into his head! I SWEAR I'LL DESTROY HIM!

"Mes amis... Is he okay? He has been standing there for a while..."

"I'm not sure Francy... Maybe we should poke him!"

"Ohononononon~"

"Not like that mi amigo.."

Dear god... FUCKING TELL THOSE BASTARDS WEREN'T FUCKING BEHIND ME!

IN THE DAMN SHOWER!

I turned towards the bastard-after grabbing hold of a part of curtain to cover umm you know DON'T BE FUCKING IMAGINING IT!- and guess what Mrs/Mr Fucker? THEY WERE RECORDING ME! And one of them-YOU KNOW WHO- was fucking naked with that creepy ass look!

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU FUCKING DOING IN MY DAMN SHOWER?!" I screamed. That damn Tomato bastard just grinned and said those damn words he knows I hate!

"Awl Lovi! Your face looks like a little tomate!" He was lucky I was busy keeping the little dignity I had left safe!

The albino just laughed-crackled. It was a fucking crackle!- and stepped closer in sync with the other two bastards grinning like a damn demon! It was fucking creepy!

"We're making a show! The one you agreed to be apart of~"

...SEE! I TOLD MY ASS NOT TO AGREE! BUT NO! THAT... THAT POTATO BASTARD MADE ME! Threatening my poor, dumb, wimpy, brother and kidnapping that other person! DON'T TELL ME THAT ISN'T WHAT HAPPENED! I WAS RIGHT THERE! I know what happened!

"I WANT MY FUCKING PRIVACY!"

"Désolé. You signed that away~" The Frenchie said smirking. I didn't like the way that bastard was looking at me! B-but Spagna was right there! H-he would protect me if that bastard did anything!

Not like I need help from that bastard!

"Keseseses~ Nice curtains Roma! I didn't think you would be into duckies!" Poato Bastard #2 smirked pointing the camera at the curtains instead of me. Did I run? Did I run?

FUCK YEAH I RAN MOTHER FUCKER!

I was fucking out that death trap faster than fratello could make fucking pasta! Trust me that little bastard can make that shit faster than that American bastard can eat burgers. Its fucking scary the way that bitch devours that disgusting food!

As I turned the hallway, I heard the three bitches laughter and their heavy footsteps. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck! I slammed open the door to my room and locked that shit leaning against it. I LIKE TO SEE THEM BURST THROUGH HERE NOW!

"Uh..."

Well how fucking fantastic! I glared at the fat, sweaty man on a ladder doing something in the corner of my room. He just looked at me confuse as fuck. I would be too if some naked guy just burst in and locked the damn door! CAZZO! I'M IN A FUCKING ROOM WITH SOME CREEP-ASS NAKED! With a scream I hastily unlocked the door and swung is open.

Just to be met with a fucking camera in my face for the second or fucking thrid time today! Where was my luck when it was needed?!

"Bonjour Bob!" Mr. Wine Bastard said to the creep-ass. Bob The Creeper rolled his eyes muttering something as he went back to whatever the fuck he was doing. Prussia and Spanga just grinned and filmed me standing in the doorway like a fucking idiot. With a mighty battle cry I tried to run past them but those bastards blocked my damn way!

"Kesesesesese~ C'mon Romano! Smile for ze camera!"

"Fusosososoo~"

"Ohonononononon~"

I backed up as they moved closer. Sweat was starting to spill from every pore. I didn't need a mirror to tell my eyes were ridiculously huge as my back met the wall. The three bastards kept coming! Taking a deep breath I did what anyone would do.

"POLICE!"

Then I thought for a second. Why call those lazy-ass bastards?!

"HUNGARY!"

* * *

**Well that's a wrap! Thanks to everyone that read this! A special thanks to: Katie-Kat1129, TheDeadOne28, l'amore13, Mochisarecute357, Otaku-Jewel, miroku girl15, Iamawesome4, Mafiusu, EmmalineNakamura, SnakeGirl1 and Stomei97!**


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